A Musical Interlude

For one of my favorite people who is still navigating the wonders of online dating and despite that lets me bitch and moan about every little thing that pisses me off about that Shiny New Bike I scored online (because let's face it, Shiny New Bikes need a lot of upkeep), and who also couldn't get the smell of musty car trunk and duct tape out of her nose every time she clicked on my last (long-long-long-last) post I give you a musical interlude:

Go Ahead and Wink... He Won't Murder You

The Perfict Boy

A six year old's list of what she wants in a boy is pretty much what we all want:

Just a little Stuped...  stuped and sweet-harted enough to put up with our crazy crap  ;-)

Addendum To My Last Post

Apparently, my last post confused some people - - one of my new blog friends and even one of my real-life BFFs (you know, that bitch who just moved in with her second date from Match - love ya, CC!).  No, I am NOT still perusing dating sites, most certainly not Plenty of Freakin' Freaks.  I have no active profiles and would sooner heat a fork over a Bunsen burner and shove it in my eye before I'd go looking at lame-assed profiles of online dating tools again.  Sorry, Grey and everybody else still looking.  I don't usually (ever) get mushy, but I'm in love with the boy I found a few days after joining OKCupid, which happened nine months after futile dating on Match.  I am certainly NOT recommending OKStupid, but it was serendipity for me.  I know, I make myself want to barf too.

Any updates are merely dating dating fodder from the past.  Please, after almost a year there is more than enough!

And, actually, I am recommending OKStupid, Plenty of Freaks, Match.com, Meet-an-Inmate.com, JDate, E-Harmony, Getting Drunk in Bars or anything that works!

And special good thoughts to Amy, Sean,  and the Mistress, who are in a place we have all been at some point and need encouragement.

Another One I Let Get Away

A recap of my only conversation on Plenty of Freaks (Fish).  I found POF to be a bit skeevy and did not respond to any of the (numerous illiterate, sex addled, disgusting and frightening) e-mails I received from that site, except one.  He appeared to be tall, cute and professional, could string a few words together without any glaring grammatical errors, however his location was a city an hour-and-a-half away from mine.  After a couple of light and funny email exchanges he said he would be in my city the next day on business and asked if I wanted to meet.  Following are step-by-step instructions you men can follow if you want to really woo a woman:

He:  I will be in [your city] tomorrow for work, would you like to meet?

Me:  Sure - do you want to meet for drinks after work?

He:  I have fifteen minutes in the afternoon.  We could meet for coffee.

(Really???!!!  A whole 15 minutes?  Now, I generally find meeting for coffee lame... I'm done drinking it after 15 minutes and, well... it's not vodka or a glass of wine where you just keep ordering more if you want to continue the date.  But, in this case, apparently the timing of guzzling down some caffeine would be perfect for his time-frame.)

Me:  (a little taken aback, but still trying to keep things light)... Well, I did once go on a 20 minute date - that's a good story I'll share with you when we meet.  What time did you have in mind?

He:  This would not be a date, this would be a meeting to see if we like each other and want to schedule a date.

(Errrr... easy, there - you're making me fall in love with you already.)

Me:   Aren't all "dates" considered meetings to see if you want continue to see another person?

He:  This would not be a date.  Do you want to meet for coffee or not?

Me:  Not.  Not even one little bit.

Ahhh... regret is such a bitter pill to swallow.  I wonder where he is and who he's wooing now.

And if you need more online dating tips, by all means, go here.

Best Blind Date Ever!!!

Of course my first date with Shiny New Bike has special meaning, but there's just something about meeting up with your internet dating blogger doppelganger, imbibing in way too many cocktails, talking too loudly about highly inappropriate subjects, making poor decisions, laughing your ass off, flirting with the entire United Nations of Toolbags (for some reason, almost every other guy this night had a different sexy foreign accent), consuming a couple few more cocktails (how many variations of drinks containing vodka can one consume?), using bad judgment, kissing a hot, drunk NY guy (her, not me), laughing your ass off, talking shit about everybody else, having one more drink, arriving home at 4:00 a.m. (because, as everybody knows, after you close down the third and sadly final bar of the evening, you are required to hit Denny's and laugh your ass off over "breakfast").  Ahhh, yes, good times, people - good times.  My new BFF Grey has told the story in glorious detail here.  Oh, and.... there are pictures.  Not all of them, of course.  The most incriminating ones stay hidden away to be laughed about the next time we meet up.  Which will need to be soon - very soon.

Looks like I have yet another success to add to my dating spreadsheet.

A Hot New Blind Date!

And, guess what?  This one has so much potential that I am traveling out-of-state for our first date.  Yep, 750 miles to be exact.  Flight booked, hotel reserved.  Mmm-hnn... for a tall drink of water who really gets you... and who can cook... and who has your same sense of humor... and your same drinking habits and smart-ass view of life?  Why not take a chance and travel for that?


No, Shiny New Bike and I are not on the outs and we most certainly are not done with our marathon bike ride (Hi, Mom - you didn't realize I took up bike riding?  Oh yeah, I've been into it for some time now)  ... I'm going to meet my BFF Blogger Ever!  When I first read her blog, I swear I thought she was trying to Single White Female me by having the same thoughts on the fantastic shitty world of online dating.  The clincher?  We have the EXACT same criteria on determining who may be worthy of a second date.  (And since I only had two, yes two, second dates in my online-dating career, this criteria is obviously very scientific.)  

I never had such a connection through reading a blog, my own blogging, then e-mail, then texting and, oh wait... that Single White Female reference???... no, really...  really, no (but when I meet finally meet her I can tell my hair stylist exactly how I want my hair).  And the fact that she lives in my hometown!??!  Where the majority of  my family still lives and I visit annually???!!!!  Well... of course I've scheduled a trip "home" so I can meet my new friend.

 And how ironic that we met each other as SWFs in search of.....

Search Terms

Blogger has this great feature where you can see how people get to your site via search terms used.  Some (all) of it is quite frightening - what the hell are you perverts doing online???!!!  I hope your mother doesn't see your Google searches.  Now, for the most, err.. uhm... sensible?

"Hottie Bent Over"

"Hotties Kissing"

"Douche Massage" (I don't even know what this is or why somebody would need to partake in this Google search.)

"Lip Couch" (Huh?)

"Bent Over Lips" (Again, Huh?)

"Online Dating Profile" (Trust me men, boys, men-boys, you need to heed this advice.)

"Dating Spreadsheet" (Yes, everybody should have one - safety first, ladies!)

"Grey Bar Stools" (Friend... I think this is you ;-)

"Creeps on OKCupid"
"OKCupid Losers"
(Sorry, but even though a blogging friend termed it OKStupid (wish I would've come up with that one), I have to give it its due)

"He's a Charmer" (Oh, yes, he was and I'm certain he's still single.)

"Frogs on Bikes" (hahahaha... we don't let frogs take us on bike rides)

"Texting Before Meeting"

"Why Aren't You Married " (No, the real question is why were you ever married?)

"Douche Online" What, exactly, are you looking for?

"This Shit Writes Itself"

"Obtuse Goose" (You, again?)

"Prince Frog Lip" (Okaaaayyyy....)

I hope you all know how to clear your cache, history, tracks, etc., etc. etc.

E-Harmony

The Stylish Blogger Award

Wow!  I was given this honor a while (too long) ago by my new friend at Quarter For Your Thoughts.  I just started blogging a few months ago and the best thing about it has been the connections I've made and all the great blogs I've been lucky to find.  Once given this award you are supposed to share seven things about yourself and also bestow the award on three (or four) other blogs.  So... seven random facts about me... yikes - why is this so difficult for me?!

1.  I rarely make my bed.  I find it to be a waste of time.

2. I drink too much wine.  Oh, you all already know that, do you?  I guess it is a little like listing that "I breathe" and "I need food and sleep."

3.  Although I work out a lot and generally eat healthy, I love extra extra hot chicken wings with ranch and bleu cheese dressing.  Lots of ranch dressing.  Lots of bleu cheese dressing.  Lots of hot sauce.

4.  Although I myself do not want to breed, I had custody of my nephew from ages 8-12 and it was a very rewarding experience.  And my Shiny New Bike has a nine year old Trike.  Who knew boy and girl kids were so different?

5.  I love the Real Housewives of any City and all things Bravo.  (And the Jersey Shore, and the Bad Girls Club, and Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, oh my!)  You know, all the educational programs.

6.  I immediately cry when I hear/read/see/sniff anything remotely sad about dogs and I get great joy from dogs being dogs.  Yeah, yeah.... I know, everyone does.  But five years ago I thought dogs were disgusting, smelly, gross creatures that I wanted nothing to do with, ever.  There was nothing worse than seeing somebody in line at Starbucks with dog hair all over her clothes. Yuck!  Now, I wear nothing but dog hair and slobber.  And love every second of it.

7.  I almost (not really) miss going on all my bad dates because I feel I no longer have anything to write about :-(  I feel awkward sharing about my new relationship, and really, who cares?  It's boring and normal and exciting and great.

 

Following are the blogs I read and follow and pass the Stylish Blogger Award to:

Robert's Sister.  (Disclaimer) My best friend and an excellent writer.  No, this is not about dating since she's married with grown children, but if you, or anybody you know, find yourself in need of finding a care facility for a loved one, she's done all your research (and worrying!)

43 and Single.  We are sisters by another mister and the short and tall versions of each other.  And we connected through blogging about bad dates, which is so crazy and wonderful to me.  Although we have not yet met in person - that is going to change soon!  And I really want her to find her very own Shiny New Bike to ride all over town but currently roll with laughter in bad date hell through her.

This One Time on Match.  Rarely do I find people who not only make me laugh hysterically, but who also make me wish we lived in the same city because I just know we'd be best friends.

Marathon Mistress.  Unlike me, she's not guarded about sharing all the details of her wonderful new relationship.  And not afraid to be real and honest about this scary and wonderful thing we have when starting a new relationship.  Everybody deserves their very own Unicorn! (a/k/a their very own Shiny New Bike!)